Review: Full Circle, by Jenny-May Clarkson

It’s easy to imagine we know a television personality – especially one as familiar and open as Jenny-May Clarkson. Yet her memoir, Full Circle, offers surprising revelations. Written with the help of Kimberley Davis, the book reveals new and profound layers to the former silver fern and first wahine Māori to co-host TVNZ’s Breakfast. 

While we find out more about Clarkson’s eclectic life as a double-international sportswoman, police officer, broadcaster, and mother, the heart of her story lies in her journey of self-discovery and evolving relationship with cultural identity.

Of Ngāti Maniapoto and Ngāti Kahu descent, Clarkson grew up in the family home in Piopio – within sight of their marae. There, she hung out with mates, making poi for kapa haka, playing guitar and singing waiata. “That was home to me,” she writes.

But during her teen years, Clarkson confesses she no longer wanted to be Māori. “I felt like what I saw and experienced about being Māori painted a negative picture of who we are as a people. I didn’t want that label. Being Māori, I thought, was something I should tuck away and hide.”

And so begins an, at times, heartbreaking journey – from self-doubt and the weight of internalised cultural shame, toward a place of pride and celebration as Clarkson reconnects with te ao Māori, embraces her whakapapa and reclaims te reo Māori. Remarkably, she grapples with this while navigating the relentless scrutiny of life in the public eye.

Clarkson’s story culminates in what is arguably the book’s most poignant chapter: Moko kauae, the traditional tattoo worn by wāhine Māori. Her circuitous decision to wear kauae is illuminating, not least for her: “It’s not something I ever imagined for myself.” But as she hears the stories of her tūpuna and learns more about the stigma experienced by previous generations, her knowledge and resolve grow. “Part of that journey for me was understanding that the feeling of ‘I’m not worthy enough’… came from the colonisation of our people and how we were told to think about ourselves, how we learnt to think of ourselves,” Clarkson explains.

Wearing moko kauae on daily national television is hugely significant considering Clarkson’s forebears wouldn’t leave their homes for fear of how they’d be treated. Though Clarkson’s experience of wearing kauae today leads her to note: “We have moved on a little since those days, but only a little.” Nevertheless, Clarkson says receiving her kauae has been the most empowering experience of her life. “I know that peace comes from the fact there’s no misunderstanding who I am and who I choose to be.”

As Clarkson reflects on the highs and lows of her packed fifty-one years, she weaves in the hard-won wisdom she’s gathered along the way. Upholding a person’s mana is of utmost importance to her. In the chapter Speak life, she explains: “I believe we should use our words to empower people, to speak life over them, not death.” Speak life is a phrase she returns to time and time again. Similarly, the concept of holding space – creating a safe and supportive environment for someone during challenging times. “I’m always grateful to the people who show up on our show,” she says. “They don’t have to be there and I’m glad to be able to hold space for them, so they feel safe to tell their story.”

Written in the familiar voice many will recognise from Breakfast, Clarkson doesn’t shy away from confronting difficult topics, admitting to having struggled with body image, panic attacks, menopause and parenting. “I still struggle with my role as a parent,” she says. “I want to be real about that because I know there are others who also struggle and perhaps they’ll get something out of knowing my story.”

A desire to help others lies at the heart of Clarkson’s decision to share the realities of her life with such candour. “We see ourselves in others’ stories and we know we’re not alone,” she writes. 

Clarkson now knows what she’d tell her confused teenage self if she could: “One day you will love yourself. That feeling you get when you stand on stage proudly wearing your kapa haka kākahu, belting out waiata, that feeling of pride and belonging, will remain with you… So hold your head high.”

Having come full circle, Clarkson holds her head high – for those who came before her, and those who follow. Reviewed by Angela Walker